When to Take Advice
Date Posted: January 2nd, 2009
The post I wrote on taking advice from inferiors was a bit specific so I’m going to take a step back and look at taking advice in general. People are always trying to give us advice, and I know for me it can be hard to know when to take it and when to leave it alone. As I wrote earlier, it’s especially hard for me when they’re people I’ve been conditioned to trust, but even in the easier instances–when it’s an inferior or an equal–evaluating advice is tricky to do right. In my experience I’ve found that there are two parts to effectively evaluating advice: know yourself and know others. Usually doing that will yield the right answer for you. If that doesn’t work, seek clarity from someone who does share your beliefs.
Know Thyself
The most important thing you need to do is know who you are and what you want out of life. If you know what’s important to you, then you can wisely filter out advice that just doesn’t make sense for you. For instance, let’s say that freedom is important to you. You don’t want any part of your life to be too constraining. Moreover you want some excitement in your life. So, when you tell someone you’re starting your own business and they explode all over you about how unsafe it is and how you’re likely to fail, you can (no pun intended) safely disregard that advice. They’re talking about safety. You’re talking about freedom. Plus the fact that it’s not what most people do is exciting to you.
The more you know and trust yourself the easier it gets to effectively evaluate advice.
Know Others
The primary thing is to know yourself. If you really have no idea what you want out of life then knowing what others want out of life is of little use in determining whether their advice is valid. But lets say you do think you know yourself, but your subconscious is giving you mixed messages about the advice. Does that necessarily mean that you don’t actually know yourself?
Maybe, maybe not. It could be that you’re just afraid to face your true self and that’s why you’re tempted to ignore the good advice. Or it could be that you’re getting bad advice but you’ve been socially conditioned to trust that person. The advice from elders piece specifically talks about this case.
That post gives some good questions to ask, but there’s an even more general rule you can apply to determine how good the advice is likely to be: good advice comes from good people. Meaning, if the person is coming from the same set of beliefs as you, the advice will be more applicable to you. If you’re getting fear-based advice, and you’re trying to rid fear from your life the fear-based advice simply won’t be right for you.
I’ve found that it’s a lot easier for me to soothe my subconscious, when I tell it that the advice is rooted in beliefs I don’t resonate positively with. It’s also easier for me to consider uncomfortable advice when I trust the giver of the advice.
Still Confused? Seek Help
If you’re still struggling with the advice you’ve been given, talk about the advice to someone who shares your basic beliefs. Many time’s they’ll be able to give you some guidance that makes more sense or tips the scale toward one side. Distance gives clarity, so it’s very likely they won’t be affected by the confusion you feel.
And that’s all there is to it. Knowing yourself and knowing others helps you know if someone else’s advice actually applies to you. And if you’re still confused talk to someone who shares your fundamental beliefs, since they may be able to shed some light on the issue since they’re more detached than you are.
