On Taking Criticism
Date Posted: January 4th, 2009
Something interesting I’ve noticed is that it’s much more difficult for me to take criticism about something I’m not actively working on than about something I’m trying to fix. When I’m in improvement mode I know that the best way to improve is to take the advice of others, and to do that I need to separate my ego from what I’m doing. If I get offended when someone gives me advice I’ll have a hard time actually taking it to heart. The way the advice is phrased can certainly help, but ultimately it’s my decision whether or not I’m open to hearing it. When I’m not working on it, though, there’s a weird attachment. I’m in a half accepting phase. If I already deeply trust the person giving me criticism I’ll listen, but if I in anyway doubt the criticizer I won’t take it well.
I’ve seen this in other people too.
I’d always thought this worked differently. If you’re not actively working on something then criticism should just bounce right off of you. It’s simply not something you’re interested in improving right now. And when I consciously decide that I’m not going to work on something, I do indeed react much more aloof to criticism. In most cases, though, my unconscious reaction is to get offended at advice.
How do you use this info? Depends. Are you receiving advice or giving it?
For receiving advice, be conscious of your reaction. If you get offended advice ask yourself if it’s because you think you’re competent enough and aren’t in improvement mode. Then make your decision. Do you want to improve or do you want to put your energy elsewhere? Once you’ve decided, advice won’t negatively affect you anymore.
For giving advice things get a bit tricky. If you notice someone isn’t open to advice, now at least you know why. But what do you do with that info? It depends on your relationship. With people I don’t know very well, I’d just assume that they aren’t actually trying to improve and leave it at that. If the relationship is close I’d probably forward them this post and see if it resonated with them. Then take it from there. Ultimately you have to use your best judgment.
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